Some people would argue a post about improving your relationship is a weird choice for Valentine’s Day. I don’t think it is at all. If you are having some issues, but you know deep down you love each and want to stay together, why not make Valentine’s your relationship New Year’s. Make some promises to each other and work on keeping them.
Although this post is primarily aimed at couples who may be having a few problems, even if you are 100% happy in your relationship, you might find some of these things still make sense to do more often.
Improving Your Relationship: 3 Ways To Get Back On Track
Improving Your Relationship: Communication
Communication is the key to any partnership, and that’s what a relationship is. I should add that the communication needs to be open and honest. Improving your relationship is not going to happen with lies (it’s also not going to happen overnight or without a few tears, but that’s another story).
Put on your big girl (and boy) pants and sit down and have a real conversation about what is going wrong. Keep it civil – no yelling.
Don’t become defensive when your partner tells you their issue. This should be a safe space where you are both allowed to feel your feelings.
Similarly, don’t make your issue sound like an accusation. This conversation is about moving forward together, not finding out who is more to blame for the problems.
Try saying something like “I don’t feel heard” rather than “you never listen to me”. You are owning your feelings and not blaming your partner for them. In turn, you are likely to get a more sympathetic response than if you are accusatory.
If you and your partner rarely have honest conversations, this will feel awkward. Perhaps you would feel more comfortable writing each other a letter, reading them and then sitting down to discuss them.
Improving your relationship: Compromise
If you are both serious about improving the relationship, you have to be willing to compromise. That means both of you, not one person sacrificing everything to make the other person happy.
I know you’re meant to put the other person’s happiness before your own and all that jazz, but let’s be real here. If you have to be miserable to make your partner happy, things need to change. Your partner should want you to be happy too.
Here is a really simple example:
You want to watch a horror movie and your partner wants to watch a comedy. Your choices for a compromise are either a) watch something of neither genre, something you both want to watch, or b) watch one tonight and one tomorrow.
That example is simple, but it can be used for a lot more complex issues too. Keeping it simple is key to a good compromise where you both feel validated and listening to and are of equal importance.
Improving Your Relationship: Try Something New
It could be that you are already communicating and compromising, but you just feel things are a bit stuck in a rut. Try doing something new together. It could be anything – take a class together, go on a weekly date night, try a new position in the bedroom or add some of the best pheromones oil into your foreplay to really spice things up a bit, or have a spa day together. Anything different to the usual routine that you can do as a couple will help you to reconnect with your partner.
It could even be just a case of tweaking your current routine. Is your date night always a Saturday in the same restaurant followed by cocktails in the same bar? Do something different.
Often, improving a relationship isn’t as hard as you might think. The hardest part, like with most things, is accepting that there is a problem. Try to catch and resolve any issues as soon as they arise so there is less resentment.
Are you currently working on improving your relationship? Do you have any tips to add? Let me know in the comments 🙂
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Trust is a huge one for me as I have trust issues and those trust issues, along with honesty and communication played a big part in the down fall of my marriage. He also had severe trust issues and with both of us having these issues it was really hard to have an open and honest communication with each other. I clump all of these together because they over lap with one another. What do you think Debbie? Popping over from #anythinggoes
I think without trust, it’s very hard to have love. If one of you has some trust issues, it can work because the other person can reassure you and I think long term, if they don’t break their word, you could begin to trust them. But if both of you have the same insecurities, it would be extremely difficult to work past them.
my advice is to pick your battles. A mature person knows when it is time to just shut your mouth. Chances are whatever it was will seem like a lesser deal soon and you’ll be glad you didn’t start a fight for nothing. At the same time, don’t be afraid to speak up if something really is important to you
This! Pick the hill you want to lay your life upon very carefully as once you’ve done it, there’s no back-peddling.
I love this, so true 🙂
Great advice. If you go in all guns blazing over the little stuff, your partner will never take you seriously on the stuff that’s important to you because they will think it’s just another over-reaction.
After over 30 years together I can definitely say marriage is not for wimps! Great advice for all couples. I think the biggest hurdle is not expecting perfection from your relationship. Things will be hard sometimes. Sometimes they’ll be wonderful. Forgiveness and putting your spouse before yourself may be old fashioned, but they really help to nurture your relationship.
Congratulations on 30 years 🙂 I agree about putting your spouse first, as long as it works both ways. And yes, it’s important to remember it’s not a Disney movie and it will be hard at times.
I think the old saying never gonto bed on an argument is an important one, letting things fester is never a good idea.
Showing physical affection towards a partner is important too, not just sex but little thinfs like holding hands, cuddling up together when watching telly, a kiss good morning/good night.
#Anythinggoes
Yeah, I like the one about not going to bed on an argument, it forces couples to talk and come up with a resolution. And yes, non-sexual affection is important too 🙂
Like you say, I really think that communication is key 🙂 #anythinggoes
I think honest communication is the answer to most problems with other people 🙂
Some great advice here. I say bring back the fun into the relationship, you’ll remember why you fell in love with that person and you can make new, fun memories at the same time.
Sally @ Life Loving
#AnythingGoes
Thank you 🙂 Yeah, if you don’t have fun together, then it’s going to get a bit boring pretty quickly!
Good advice as always! Thanks for hosting #AnythingGoes!
Thank you and thanks for linking up 🙂
All 3 of those are great.
I’d add in forgive each other, I really think that resentment can kill a relationship.
I’m here thanks to your anything goes Linky, which I found after following you on Twitter. Good to connect
Thank you 🙂 Yes, that’s a good one, forgiveness is important and like you say resentment will only kill your relationship. Thanks for linking up, nice to have you here 🙂
Totally agree awesome tips #anythinggoes
Thank you 🙂
Good advice, and also agree with Jeremy & Nicola at the top of the comments. There is another compromise option between horror and comedy, however: watch Shawn of the Dead! Or Severance! #anythinggoes
Thank you 🙂 Haha, good idea – you are officially the queen of compromise!
It’s all about compromise in our house – it’s easier said than done, but it is the only way! x #anythinggoes
Yeah it’s not always easy, but it is always worth it if you both play fair 🙂 x
This 3 list is spot on! Another one for me is trust… without trust, starts the suspicions, accusations and then conflict arise. Lovely post! #AnythingGoes
Yeah trust is a big one! A lot of arguments stem from a lack of trust. Thank you 🙂
I think communication is the most important part of any relationship. It’s key whether you’re having problems or not, I think.
#AnythingGoes
I totally agree. If you have good communication, it often stops problems arising in the first place 🙂
Love this and also the tips offered in the comments. I agree with all of them, just wish I exercised them a little more! #anythinggoes
Thank you 🙂 There have been some excellent additions in the comments! Lol, sometimes it’s one thing to know something and another thing entirely to do it!
It’s true those honest conversations can be very hard. Trust is such a big factor. Not just trust in a ‘being faithful’ way, I mean to trust someone with our feelings. Love this post. Thanks #anythinggoes
I agree – trusting someone with feelings can often be much harder than trusting them to be faithful. It is hard to be vulnerable in front of someone else. Thank you 🙂
Really good advice here. I always think that my husband and I rarely argue because we communicate so well. It’s our ‘once a term’ date day coming up this Wednesday, Please pray that my smallest doesn’t develop the chicken pox (brother had it starting 10 days ago) and ruin it! #AnythingGoes
Thank you 🙂 Communication really is key! Oh I’ve got all my fingers and all my toes crossed for you 🙂
All good points Debbie. Not being defensive when the partner presents their issue can be a tough one! But you are right. Communication is key! Thanks so much for hosting xx
Yeah it can be as you sometimes feel its unjust or that you are being attacked. You’re welcome, thanks for linking up 🙂 x
I totally agree with all of these, especially communication. Even in everyday life communication is key #anythinggoes xx
Yeah, communication doesn’t just apply to romantic relationships, it can definitely help avoid conflict in any relationship 🙂
Fantastic tips. Communication is SO important x #anythinggoes
Thank you 🙂 It really is x
Great post, and I totally agree with every point you’ve made here! Everyone’s comments below are also fantastic 🙂 never going to sleep on an argument is the motto of our home, I must admit I’ve been stubborn in the past but it really works you forgive each other quicker and wake up happy the next morning 🙂 xxx
Thank you 🙂 There has been some fab comments! I love that motto, it means you have to deal with the problem rather than letting it fester x