A Day In The Life Of A Barmaid

I was asked to write a little about my working life and some of the funny things I’ve come across in the pub by @_mummaknows_ as part of my Over To You theme.

I work as a bar maid, so my general work day is:

-Sort out any left over mess from the night before
-Get the bar ready to open up
-Open up
-Serve drinks, clean the bar area, fill fridges and wash the glasses and change barrels as and when required
-Clean up at the end of the night
-Lock up

Pretty boring right? So what makes it interesting? The people!

Some of our regulars are real characters – ranging from the hilarious, the stubborn, the loud, the quiet, the lovely and the downright rude, there is never a dull moment!

We have a little group come in on some of the weekday afternoons. They are all lovely people, but they are loud! They basically spend their days debating various things, with them all insisting they are right and no one ever giving in. It really is funny listening to them. They debate everything from big topics like religion and politics to the absolutely pointless like the name of a shop that has been closed fifty years!

One that sticks in my mind was quite recent. They were having a discussion about the location of a factory (that closed in the 80s!). One of them insisted it was in a certain street and the others all said a different one. They got pretty much the full place involved and everyone told him he was wrong. This went on for over two hours, and he just wouldn’t have it.

The following day, one of the others brought in a map showing it’s location, he said it was Photo Shopped.

One of them Googled it, he claimed their Google site was fake.

They told him to Google it himself. The priceless response? ‘I don’t need to, I know I’m right!’

Some of the things people say and do are beyond belief. A couple of years back, a woman brought her drink back up to the bar claiming the coke was flat. While I didn’t really think it would be, I tend to pick my battles and arguing over a drink that costs less than £1 seems like a waste of time.

The exchange that followed was priceless. Bear in mind this woman was shouting loud enough to get other customers listening in.

Her (knowingly): ‘The gas has ran out on your post mix’ (if you don’t know, post mix is the draught coke).
Me: ‘But…’
Her (interrupting and getting louder): ‘I’ve worked in bars for years, I know what I’m talking about.’
I open my mouth to speak and she jumps in again.
Her: ‘Check it. I know I’m right.’
Me (finally shouting over her): ‘It’s nothing to do with the gas.’
Her: ‘And you know this how?’
Me: ‘You bought a can of coke!’

She shuffles away looking a bit sheepish! Never believe that the customer is always right!

One of the most ridiculous conversation I’ve had was over the phone.

Me (answering the phone): ‘Hello, (Pub Name)’
Caller: ‘Hi, I was wondering if you could help me with my tax credits. I need to know the maximum hours I can work without affecting them.’
Me (assuming it’s one of the staff and for some reason I haven’t recognised their voice): ‘Who is it?’
The caller gives me a name I don’t recognise.
Me: ‘So you don’t work here then?’
Caller; ‘No, of course not.’
Me (thinking I’ve misunderstood somewhere along the way): ‘Sorry, how do you want me to help you?’
Caller: Repeats original question
Me: ‘I’m sorry, I really have no idea!’
Caller (getting a bit shirty): ‘You’re not very helpful are you?’
Me: ‘Well it’s not exactly my area of expertise, I’m not sure why you thought it would be really.’
Caller: ‘Well is there someone else who can help me?’
Me: ‘No, there’s only me working.’
Caller: ‘There’s only you working in the entire office?’
Me: ‘You’re calling a pub, not an office.’
Caller: ‘Oh, I thought I was calling the tax office. Your name is very misleading!’
Bear in mind the name is nothing at all even remotely similar to anything you would associate with taxes, government, or anything related to them.
Me: ‘No, we’re definitely a pub.’
Caller: ‘So you can’t help me then?’
Me: ‘Nope.’

Caller then hangs up without another word. That one amused me for the rest of the day.

There’s loads of others, but I don’t want this post to read like a book. Suffice to say I hear a lot of random stuff!

What’s the funniest thing a customer has ever said to you?

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